


A Willing Spirit

by GinnyK



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Episode: s02e01 In the Shadow of Two Gunmen Part I, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2018-07-03
Packaged: 2019-05-31 04:21:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15111701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GinnyK/pseuds/GinnyK
Summary: Josh is about to return to work after the shooting.





	A Willing Spirit

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

The operations bullpen had been a whirlwind of activity that afternoon. After 3 months of recovering at home from a near fatal bullet wound Josh was returning to work the next day. Donna had spent hours getting things ready, from airing out Josh's office, making sure his schedule was relatively light for the next few days, stocking his little fridge with Gatorade and Yoo Hoo, tracking down a pillow for his back, decorating his office with a few balloons and cleaning out his supply of junk food and replacing it with fresh fruit. 

Finally Donna was ready to tackle the top of Josh's desk. She glanced at her watch, it was a little after 2. Josh hadn't called in nearly two hours, so she was relatively sure he'd fallen asleep. Donna sent off an email inviting him to go out to dinner and asking him to call her when he woke up. Over the last few months Josh had become rather fond of Instant Messaging, often preferring it over the phone so Donna turned on his computer, signed herself onto AOL and got to work. 

About an hour into her task the IM chime sounded and she collapsed into Josh's chair to respond. 

Abner: I'm awake  
Dmoss: How long did you sleep?  
Abner: An hour or so. Dinner sounds good.  
Dmoss: I'm attempting to clear off your desk. I should be there by 6  
Abner: Ok. Where do you want to go?  
Dmoss: You can pick. How are you feeling?  
Abner: Pretty good. I think I'm ready to get back to work. I have a whole long list of things to do.  
Dmoss: Remember, you're not working 18 hours tomorrow. 9-4 if you rest after lunch, 9-2 if you refuse to rest.  
Abner: I thought the rules were going to stop when I got back to work?  
Dmoss: Whatever gave you that idea? Shower and change, I’ll be there in a few hours.  
Abner: Bye 

Donna chuckled to herself as she signed off. Why in the world did Josh think the rules were going to stop when he returned to work? She had written out a whole new list of office related rules to instill the next day. 

She walked out to her cubicle to grab the can of Pledge she kept in the bottom of one of the filing cabinets. Finally Josh's desk was clear and polished. She hoped it stayed that way longer than 6 hours after his return the next day. 

With nothing more to do to get ready Donna curled up in his chair. It was something she had done frequently over the past few months. It comforted her, the soft smooth leather and the faint smell of Josh's cologne. She looked out the window, it had been a beautiful day out, even if it was a little on the chilly side, even for November. She had gone out at lunchtime despite the chill, wandering around the monuments for an hour. She knew it would probably be a while until she had the luxury of taking the entire hour for lunch. Things were going to be hectic for her over the next few weeks as she tried to make things as easy as possible on Josh. She planned on coming in early for the next few weeks, working for a couple of hours before going to help Josh get ready for work. She would let him work from 9-4, if he rested after lunch. At 4, even if she had to drag him out by the ear, she planned on taking him home. She planned to make sure he ate a decent dinner and relaxed even if that meant she would have to go back to the office after he was asleep for the night. 

Donna, as well as other people, had serious doubts that Josh was ready to come back to work. She'd tried to persuade him to wait until after Thanksgiving but he was being stubborn. On one hand it would be easier to keep an eye on him, he'd be right across the hall but on the other hand she wasn't sure he was ready to handle the stress. Mentally she knew he was basically ready to return but physically, she wasn't so sure. He was still too pale and too thin. Dark circles had taken up permanent residence under his eyes and he tired easily. But Donna was not interested in listening to him whine and moan for the remaining weeks until Thanksgiving. Abbey had a long talk with Donna a few days earlier, urging her to remember to take of herself half as well as she took care of Josh. Abbey made a promise to stop by and check on Josh as often as she could, easing some of Donna's worries. 

As the shadows grew longer and the room darker Donna looked out the window as night came over the city. She glanced at her watch; she had about 20 minutes before she needed to leave. She had her overnight bag packed already in the car. Josh had tried to fight her on her decision to spend the night but as he quickly realized a few days earlier when he tried to be up and ready to go to the doctor's at 8:30 in the morning, he moved pretty slow when he first got up. He was stiff after sleeping and his right side was usually a little weak. Deep down he knew he would be grateful for Donna's help the next morning. 

"Donna?" Sam called softly from the doorway so he wouldn't startle her. Donna glanced up to catch his reflection in the window. "You ok?" he asked as he came in the room. 

"I'm fine," whispered Donna as she ran her hand over her eyes and through her hair as she spun Josh's chair around to face Sam. 

"Ready for tomorrow?" he asked as he sat down on the edge of the desk in front of Donna. 

"As ready as I'm going to be. Everything is cleaned, organized and restocked," she said, gesturing around the room. 

Sam smiled, "That's not what I meant." 

"I know," sighed Donna. "I'm scared. I don't know that he's ready." 

"I don't know if he is either. But it's his decision. We'll just have to look out for him, run interference when needed and hog tie him every afternoon so he rests. Did you make up new rules?" 

"Right here," said Donna with a grin as she pointed to the handwritten list she had taped to Josh's computer monitor. "I have to get going. We're going to go out and grab some dinner. You want to join us?" Donna asked as she slipped her shoes back on and stood up. 

"No, Toby's got a list of things a mile long he wants us to get done before we leave here tonight. But thanks anyway." 

As Donna tried to walk out from behind the desk Sam grabbed her by the hand and pulled her close to give her a much appreciated hug. "He'll be fine," he whispered, trying to reassure both Donna and himself. 

************* 

As Josh stepped out of the shower he glanced at his watch that was resting next to the sink, 5:30. He had to get moving if he was going to be ready in half an hour. He blew out a frustrated breath, remembering when having a whole 30 minutes to get ready to go out seemed like an eternity. Now everything just took so much longer. Things were certainly better than when he had first come home but he still moved considerably slower than he was used to. 

Wiping off the mirror with his left hand Josh groaned at the sight of his reflection. No matter how much sleep he seemed to get he still looked tired and washed out. Running his hand over his chin he debated shaving. He had grown to like the slightly scruffy look but he knew Donna wasn't all that fond of it so he reached to pull his electric razor out of the charger. 

By the time he heard Donna come in the front door he was mostly ready to go, he just had to put on his shoes. "I'm in the bedroom," he yelled as he heard Donna shut the door behind her. 

"OK. You decent?" she called back as she tossed her coat over the back of the couch. 

"Decent? Aren't we a little past that?" Josh teased, knowing Donna had seen much more than she had bargained for over the past three months. 

"Yeah, well, I'm trying to get back to a little professionalism," Donna teased as she leaned in the doorway. Josh was sitting on the edge of the bed shoving his feet into his brown suede boots. As he leaned over to tie them he felt a familiar pulling sensation in his chest that momentarily took his breath away. Donna noticed and knelt down to quickly tie them for Josh. He muttered his thanks, annoyed that he needed her help in the first place. Donna said nothing, she found it was better to just step in and give Josh the help he needed without making an issue of it. 

"So where are we going?" she asked as she picked Josh's robe up off the floor and laid it over the back of the chair. 

"How about Buca di Beppo?" 

"Guess you've really gotten your appetite back," teased Donna, remembering the large portions there. 

"I'm so sick and tired of salad, I really want their meatballs. We can share." 

"Sounds good. You ready to go?" 

Josh patted his pockets, checking for his keys and his wallet. "Yeah, I'm ready." Donna held out her hand for his car keys, which he turned over without question. He had only driven a few times since the shooting, mostly to doctors appointments and once to get his hair cut. He still felt a little shaky behind the wheel but living in DC it was easy to get around without driving at all. "Is it cold out? I haven't been outside today." 

"It's really getting cold," said Donna as she opened his coat closet and grabbed his long wool coat. She had had it dry cleaned the week before and it was still in the plastic bag. She tore the plastic off and tossed it in the trash can in the kitchen. Out of habit she hugged the coat to her chest and inhaled deeply. Unfortunately, since the coat had just come back from the cleaners all she got was a big whiff of dry cleaning solvents, not the comforting mixture of Josh's cologne, coffee and Irish Spring soap she was expecting. Josh smiled as he watched her from the kitchen where he had been getting a quick drink of water. Blushing slightly she held the coat out for Josh and he carefully slipped his arms in. As she set it on his shoulders they were both slightly shocked at how it seemed to hang on him, despite the fact he was wearing a sweater. 

"Guess, I need to eat a little more," muttered Josh with a weak smile. 

"Well, let's get started then," said Donna with a warm smile. She took Josh's arm and led him out the door and down the front steps. 

************* 

Dinner was nice, relaxing and just what both of them needed. They split a Caesar salad and a plate of linguini with meatballs. Donna relaxed the rules just a bit and let Josh have a glass of wine. His appetite had returned something Donna was certainly glad to see. He had regained a few pounds but was still about 10 pounds lighter than he had been before the shooting. 

They talked about work for a while, mostly gossipy stuff, nothing of great importance and nothing stressful. Donna hinted at the "rules", causing a groan from Josh. But he was secretly glad for them. He was sure there would be times in the next few weeks or so that he would be able to fall back on the rules and avoid admitting he was tired, in pain or just not up to doing something. Donna knew that too, that it would be easier for him to blame her for his need to take it easy. And if that's what it took to get him to slow down, that was fine with her. 

After lingering over coffee they left the restaurant a little before 9. Donna wanted to get Josh home and settled down but he seemed restless so she agreed to a quick trip to visit Abraham Lincoln on the condition that Josh not try to climb the steps. He agreed to that without complaint, as restless as he was, he didn't have the energy to climb all the way up. They sat on the bottom steps for a while, staring out over the reflecting pool at the Washington Monument and the Capitol beyond. Donna made a few attempts to get Josh to talk but it was clear he wasn't in the mood. She didn't want to push him but it was clear he had some things on his mind that he should probably talk about. 

Out of the corner of her eye Donna saw Josh shiver a little before leaning over to put his elbows on his knees. She scooted a little closer and tentatively reached out to touch him. When he didn't flinch she started to rub his back as he let out a sigh. "I'm scared," he whispered. 

"I know, it's ok," she replied as she tugged on Josh's shoulder to get him to sit up. She hooked her finger under his chin and turned his head so she could look in his eyes. "You can still change your mind Josh, stay home until after Thanksgiving." 

"No, everyone is expecting me in the morning," he muttered as he took a deep shaky breath. Despite trying his best to hold them in his emotions started to get the best of him as they had many times since the shooting. He hated how emotional he'd become. It made him feel weak and at times embarrassed, depending who was around when they got the best of him. As the first tear started down his cheek Donna wiped it away with her thumb. He was no longer embarrassed to show his feelings in front of her and for that both of them were grateful. 

"OK, but remember, there's no shame in saying you're tired, or in pain or need some time to regroup." 

Josh nodded and swiped furiously at the tears that were beginning to stream down his face. "God, I hate this," he muttered as he wiped his hand on his jeans. 

"I know. How about we just blame it on the meds or the glass of wine, the one I shouldn't have let you have," teased Donna. 

"I'll blame it on the meds," said Josh with a grin, "I'll have to keep that excuse in mind, it might come in handy," he added. "Do you think I'm ready?" 

"It doesn't really matter what I think." 

"Yes, it does," Josh assured her as he took her hand. 

"Mentally, I think you're ready. You've been up to speed for a week now. But physically...I don't know." 

"Yeah, the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak," muttered Josh as he pushed a stone off the step with his toe. 

"Well, I don't know that I would have quoted the Bible, but yeah. You're not ready to be running around the Hill and working 18 hour days. And I don't trust you to listen to your body and take a break when you need it." 

"That's where you and your rules come in," said Josh with an over exaggerated sigh. 

"That's right. So don't be surprised if I steer you towards a couch now and then." Josh just stared at her and waggled his eyebrows, teasing her just a bit. "Get your mind out of the gutter, you'll be napping on the couch, alone," she snorted. 

"And just how are you going to be able to tell when I need to slow down?" Josh asked. 

Now it was Donna's turn to stare for a minute. "You are kidding right?" she snorted again. 

"Yeah, I guess that was a stupid thing to ask. You know me better than I know myself." 

"That's right." 

"OK Miss Smarty Pants, what am I feeling right now?" Josh asked as he arched an eyebrow and crossed his arms lightly over his chest. 

"Cold from sitting on the marble steps, tired, and probably a little queasy from too much food," declared Donna as she crossed her own arms, mirroring his position. 

"I hate you," teased Josh as he uncrossed his arms and rubbed his eyes. 

"And you have a headache." 

"That's it, you're just freaky," Josh announced, a little louder than necessary judging by the number of people who turned their heads to look at them. 

"Let's go, before we wind up on the front page of the paper," muttered Donna as she helped him to his feet. 

"Yeah, I've been on the front page of the paper and the magazines enough these last few months," grumbled Josh as he tucked his hand in the crook of Donna's arm and let her lead him back to the car. 

Donna kept up the conversation in the car, trying to keep Josh from falling asleep on the short drive back to his place. She somehow succeeded and they arrived home a little before 10. 

"Go get changed," Donna said, steering Josh gently in the direction of his room. "I'll make some tea. What kind do you want?" 

"Sleepytime," Josh said with a smile. Tea before bed had become sort of a ritual with Donna. It had started when he was still in the hospital. As soon as he was able to keep more than a couple of sips down he started bugging Donna to share her evening tea with him. She always offered to get him his own cup but he wanted to share. Donna knew it was more the fact that he wanted the company than the tea so she would put on some soothing music and curl up with Josh in his hospital bed. They would share the tea, listen to the music and in the words of Crash Davis "just be" for a little while, or at least until the nurse came in to do the final vital check of the day. 

Donna turned the flame on under the tea kettle and took her overnight bag into Josh's guest room. She hung up her clothes for the next day and changed into her pajamas. She debated clearing off the bed and sleeping in there but it was covered in cards and gifts from the American public and she really didn't have the ambition to clear it off. Josh's couch was very comfortable and it was closer to his room, just in case he needed something. 

By the time Donna went back out to the kitchen Josh was pouring the water for tea. Donna flipped through the stack of CDs she had brought over after Josh had gotten home from the hospital. Girly music was what he called it to her face but in reality he found some of it rather soothing. She popped in Enya and hit play. Josh smiled to himself as he recognized the first few bars of music. A smart ass comment died on his lips when he turned and saw Donna standing there in her pajamas with her freshly scrubbed face and her hair pulled back in a ponytail. "Uh, tea's ready," Josh stuttered as he picked up her tea and handed it to her. 

They settled down on the couch in silence. It was time to "just be". Josh finished about half of his tea before he started yawning so much he had to put it aside. "Did you take your pills?" asked Donna as she put her own mug on the coffee table. 

"No," sighed Josh as he started to stand. 

"I'll get them. Go brush your teeth," Donna offered as she picked up the empty mugs. "Do you want Advil or a pain pill?" 

Josh took a few seconds to weigh the options. The pain wasn't horrible but he was uncomfortable and restless and he knew it would take a while to settle down. "Pain pill," he said as he closed the bathroom door behind him. 

Donna got a pain pill, a blood pressure pill and a multivitamin out of the bottles lined up on the counter. Josh complained about the pills lined up there, he said it made him feel like an old man. But he also knew if they weren't in plain sight he would probably forget to take them. 

Donna picked a glass out of the dish drainer and got Josh some water. She waited until she heard him come out of the bathroom and she followed him into his room. Wordlessly she handed him the pills which he dutifully washed down with the water. Josh turned on the lamp on the nightstand while Donna flicked out the overhead light. He wearily pulled back the comforter and sat on the side of the bed. He set the alarm clock for 7, hoping two hours was enough time to get ready. Making herself busy Donna picked up the clothes he'd dropped to the floor when he changed into his pajamas. This was the time she felt most unsure of what to do, should she just bid Josh goodnight and head for the couch, should she ask if he needed anything, should she sit with him until he fell asleep? Usually she tried to hang back until Josh made the proverbial first move. Most of the time he wanted Donna to stay until he fell asleep but she didn't want to assume anything. When Donna was done picking up the clothes Josh was still sitting on the edge of the bed, looking rather pitiful. 

"Come on, get under the covers," said Donna as she patted him on the shoulder. Josh crawled under the blankets, scooting over to give Donna room to sit next to him. "Do you want some music on?" asked Donna, knowing some nights Josh had trouble falling asleep if it was too quiet. He shook his head. "Do you want the humidifier on?" Josh just nodded. Donna made sure it was full and turned it on. Josh had had a bout of pneumonia in the hospital and when he came home Mrs. Bartlet suggested he try the humidifier to ease his breathing a little. The moist air and the slight hum of the motor reminded him of his childhood and it helped him to relax. 

"Do you want to talk?" Donna asked as she stretched out next to him, on top of the covers. With the usual shrug of his shoulders Josh rolled over onto his stomach, rested his chin on his crossed arms and stared at the headboard. Donna turned off the lamp, leaving to room lit by only the light in the hall. "Do you want me to stay for a while? she asked. 

"Yeah," whispered Josh, just barely loud enough to be heard. Clearly he was not in the mood to talk so Donna didn't push. She rubbed his back until he drifted off. She carefully got up off the bed without waking him, kissed his forehead and pulled the covers up around him. 

A little after midnight Donna turned out the lamp on the end table and snuggled down on the couch. She was sound asleep in less than 15 minutes. 

*************** 

Donna woke from a sound sleep and grabbed her watch from the coffee table. It was a little before 2. She glanced around to try and figure out what had woken her so quickly and so completely. She glanced towards the bathroom, the door was open and the light was off. The light in Josh's room was off and she didn't hear anything out of the ordinary, just humidifier and the hum of the refrigerator. Something made her get up and check on Josh anyway. 

As quietly as possible she pushed the door to his room open all the way and peeked her head in. Josh was sitting up, clutching his chest, his eyes wide open but clearly not seeing anything. It just took a split second to realize he was caught in the middle of a nightmare, unable to wake himself. She flew into the room and climbed onto the bed. She knelt in front of him and took him firmly by the shoulders. "Josh...Josh, talk to me...are you in pain...Josh breathe for me," she pleaded. Josh shook himself out of her grasp as the haze of the nightmare faded and the present started to come into focus. "Josh, can you hear me?" asked Donna as she started calm down. 

"Yeah," he whispered in a ragged voice. Donna started to hand him the glass of water but stopped when she saw how much he was shaking. She held the glass for him while he took a few sips, his teeth chattering against the rim of the glass. 

"Nightmare?" Josh nodded, not ready to talk yet. He was still shaking and breathing heavily. 

"Josh, breathe with me for a minute," said Donna as she saw he was still on the verge of hyperventilating. Something she didn't know he was prone to do until after the shooting. "In...out...in...out. Good, just relax," coached Donna as she brushed back his hair and settled him into her arms. Safe in Donna's embrace Josh concentrated on slowing down his breathing and relaxing. He finally stopped shaking like a leaf and got control of his breathing. "Your first nightmare?" 

"Yeah...the first one about the shooting anyway," mumbled Josh as he reached for a tissue. He blew his nose and tossed the tissue in the general direction of the wastebasket, missing by a good foot. 

"Sit up for a minute let me get something to wipe your face," said Donna as she patted his ribs. 

Alone in the bed Josh instantly curled up in the fetal position. A minute later Donna came back into the room; she knelt next to the bed and gently wiped his face with a cool, damp washcloth. "Let me get you a dry shirt. Take that one off," she said as she turned to grab a clean t-shirt out of his dresser. Josh made little in the way of effort to unbutton his pajama top. "Josh, work with me," Donna teased gently in the same tone she used when he would show up on her doorstep after drinking too much. The teasing fell flat so she rolled him onto his back and quickly undid the buttons on his oversized blue pajamas. "Josh sit up for a sec," she coaxed as she pushed the fabric off his shoulders. Doing her best to avoid looking at scar Donna sat him up. She held up a worn Harvard t-shirt for him to put on and he finally made enough effort to slip his arms in. As Donna pulled the soft gray cotton down her fingers skimmed against the scar from the bullet wound. The feeling of her fingers against the puckered skin jolted Josh into awareness. "Sorry," whispered Donna as she motioned for him to lie back down. 

"It's ok," he whispered, his eyes slipping shut. Donna folded the washcloth and rested it over his forehead. Convinced he was about to just drift back to sleep she turned to head back to the couch. "Stay," Josh whispered harshly, his tone of desperation tearing right through Donna's heart. 

"Oh Josh," she sighed as she slipped under the covers. She held out her arms in a silent offering, one Josh took without as much as a second thought. He molded himself in her safe embrace, head tucked under her chin, arm thrown carelessly over her hip. She rubbed his back and soothed him back to sleep, all the while trying not to think how wrong it was to be in her boss's bed and how right it felt. 

***************** 

Donna's internal alarm woke her about 5:30. Josh was still sound asleep, curled up on his side facing away from her. She quietly crept out of bed, leaving him to get some more much needed sleep. She had forgotten her bathrobe so she grabbed Josh's off the back of the chair and pulled it around her. She inhaled deeply and was rewarded with the familiar scent she had been looking for on his coat. Padding out to the kitchen she flicked on the coffee maker and went to retrieve the newspaper from the hall. Josh's return to work was supposed to be under the radar but the small headline below the fold alerted her to the fact that it wasn't as low key as she had hoped. It was just a short article written by some one in the press room, nothing worth getting upset over. 

While the coffee brewed Donna took a leisurely shower. She read the front section of the paper and caught the early morning headlines on CNN while she sat on the couch and savored the coffee. The smell of the coffee woke Josh about 10 minutes before the alarm was set to go off. He sat up slowly and rubbed his eyes. As he did every morning he got up slowly and walked around the bedroom doing a little mental inventory about how he was feeling, what hurt etc. His list of complaints was thankfully short that morning, his back and his right hand were a little stiff but he hoped Advil and a hot shower would take care of those problems. 

He wandered out in the living room, dropping into the recliner. "Morning," he mumbled, still not quite awake. 

"Good morning Joshua," said Donna in an overly cheery tone, causing Josh to roll his eyes at her and grin broadly. 

"Oh you are way too perky this morning," Josh teased as he pushed the recliner back and wrapped himself up in the afghan. 

"Deal with it. Do you want coffee?" 

"Tea, I think," answered Josh. Although the coffee smelled tempting his stomach was a little unsettled and he thought tea might sit better. 

"You ok?" asked Donna as she got an early start to her worrying. 

"Yeah, just a little nervous I guess," Josh muttered as he turned up the sound on the television. 

"Are you hungry?" 

"Just toast, thanks. So am I on the front page of that?" he asked as he pointed towards the newspaper. 

"Little article below the fold. No picture," Donna called from the kitchen where she was busying herself making Josh some tea. She stuck two pieces of bread in the toaster and pulled the butter out of the fridge. 

"Guess I shouldn't complain about that." 

Josh drank some tea and ate a piece of toast while Donna got dressed, did her hair, put on her makeup and packed up her things. At a little before 8 she extracted the remote from Josh's hand and pointed him in the direction of the bathroom. While he showered she went to his closet to pick out an outfit for him to wear. 

Josh showered and shaved without difficulty. He wandered into the bedroom and the sight of his clothes all lined up on the bed brought a smile to his face. "Wow, what service," he called, teasing Donna. 

"Don't get used to it," she called from the kitchen. 

Ten minutes later Josh stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom. He realized he hadn't worn a suit or a tie in months. He was attempting, for the fourth time, to get his tie in a neat knot. His right hand was still a little stiff and he was getting frustrated at his clumsy efforts. "DONNA," he bellowed as he pulled the knot completely out again. 

"You bellowed?" she smirked as she stood in the doorway. Josh caught her eye in the mirror and smiled. 

"Well, my spirit it just fine this morning but this flesh," he said holding up his right hand, "is apparently a little weak." He stepped aside and Donna came into the room. She sat on the counter and wound the striped silk into a perfect knot while Josh fidgeted in front of her. "Not so tight," he whined. Donna loosened it a little. She smoothed down the tie and buttoned his cuffs. "I just need to brush my teeth and take my pills and I'll be ready to go. Do I have anything in the fridge in my office?" 

"Gatorade, Yoo Hoo and some ginger ale." 

"You are too good to me," Josh said as he ran his toothbrush under the water and started to brush his teeth. 

"Yes, I am," teased Donna as she went to finishing packing Josh's backpack and her own tote bag. 

****************** 

Josh was quiet on the way to the White House. Donna drove while he sat in the passenger's seat, unable to sit still. He fiddled with the radio, messed with the temperature controls, crossed and uncrossed his legs every thirty seconds and in general was well on his way to driving Donna nuts. At a red light a block from the White House she reached over and grabbed his hand, giving it a squeeze. "You'll be fine," she tried to assure him with a warm smile. "Don't push yourself and let people help you." 

"I will," whispered Josh as he drew a shaky breath, willing himself to keep it together. 

Donna pulled into his parking space and cut the engine but Josh made no move to open the door. She glanced at the clock on the dashboard. It was a few minutes before 9. Morning staff was set for 9:30 so she needed to get Josh moving. She was hoping to make it to his office without a big scene. 

"Ready?" she asked as she shoved her keys in her bag. 

"As ready as I'm going to be," said Josh with a determined grin on his face. He undid his seatbelt and leaned over to give Donna a quick kiss on the cheek. "Thank you, for everything," he whispered. 

"You're welcome. Now, time to get moving," said Donna, as she elbowed him gently and reached to open her door. 

Luck was on their side and they managed to arrive in the Operations Bullpen relatively unnoticed. Josh smiled at the balloons in his office and did the expected mock grumbling about the "RULES" that were taped to his computer. Donna got him another cup of tea, his schedule and left him alone for a few minutes. 

Josh dropped into his chair, smiling as he realized the leather held the faint scent of Donna's perfume. He wondered just how much time she'd spent sitting in his chair, how many tears she'd shed, how many deals she'd made with God in the past three months. 

He had just enough time to read his schedule and jot down a few notes before Donna appeared in the doorway. "It's time," she said pointing to her watch. She handed him a few folders and patted him on the shoulder as he headed for the Oval Office. As she watched him go she noted the slight limp he'd had since the shooting was almost replaced by the famous Lyman swagger. With a smile and sigh she wiped her eyes and got to work. 

******************* 

At a few minutes before 4 Josh finished up what he was working on. He walked out into the bullpen and dropped the yellow legal pad onto Donna's desk so she could type up his notes. She wasn't at her desk so he sat down for a few minutes knowing she would be back soon to remind him that his time was up. He'd been a good boy and rested on CJ's couch after lunch while she was briefing. He didn't actually sleep but he was certainly grateful for the opportunity to rest and regroup. 

His first day back had been about what he expected. They had cake in the Roosevelt Room after lunch and a few people sent flowers. Mrs. Bartlet had stopped by under the guise of a friendly visit but it turned into a medical check-up. But that was fine with Josh, he had been expecting it. The President greeted him back with some inane trivia that brought a smile to his face. 

Josh looked up to see Donna coming down the hall. "You ready to go?" she asked, truly surprised that it didn't seem like she would have to drag him out by the ear. 

"I was ready at 4," Josh announced as he pointed at his watch. 

"It's 3:56, Joshua. Your watch sucks," Donna declared as she pointed to the bank of Naval clocks on the wall. 

"Yeah, yeah," muttered Josh. "Can I drive myself home?" he asked, much like a child asking to ride their bike around the block alone for the first time. 

"If you feel up to it, go ahead. You sure you don't want me to come?" asked Donna. She was more than a little surprised that he wanted to go home alone but she wasn't going to argue with him. There was no real reason she needed to go with him. He was more than capable of making dinner and entertaining himself for the evening. 

"I'll be fine. Stop by on your way home if it's not too late," said Josh. He was trying to put a little distance between himself and Donna. Their relationship had obviously changed a lot over the previous months and deep down they both knew certain boundaries needed to be re-established and some semblance of professionalism needed to be maintained. It would be quite a difference between that and how they were two months previous, hanging out in their pajamas, curled up on Josh's couch watching bad movies at 2 in the morning when he was in too much pain to sleep. 

"I'm not going to be here too late. I'll come by around 8. There's stew in the fridge and rolls in the bag on the counter. Don't forget to take your pills. Do you want me to come over in the morning?" 

"Yeah, I'd like that. I'll make the coffee this time," said Josh as he headed into his office to pick up his backpack. He threw it on his shoulder, the weight of it causing a twinge in his chest. He unconsciously rubbed the scar with one hand as he turned out the light with the other. He stood in his doorway watching Donna for a minute. She was on the phone with her back to him. Her blond head was bent down as she scribbled furiously on her notepad. She eventually tossed the pen aside and tucked her hair behind her ear as she leaned back in her chair and wrapped up the phone call. Josh figured correctly that she was talking to Sam. 

"Sam says go home," she said as she noticed Josh's reflection in her monitor. 

"On my way," muttered Josh as he stood awkwardly by Donna's desk. He was suddenly unsure of what to do, how to act. He'd said goodbye to Donna thousands of times but now he felt strange. Should he just say "goodbye" and walk out, should he pat her arm, should he throw all common sense out the window and give her a big hug and kiss, which was what he really wanted to do? Donna, as usual, sensed his uneasiness. She stood up and took him by the arm. She walked him as far as the lobby. 

"You did good today," she whispered as she discreetly ran her hand down his arm and quickly squeezed his fingers. Josh smiled at her words. She always said them to him even though he teased her about her mangling of the English language. 

"Thanks to you. I'll see you later." Josh flashed her a big dimpled smile, shifted his backpack higher up on his shoulder and walked out the door. The slight swagger from earlier had been predictably replaced by a slight limp but he still looked like a man full of spirit and determination. 

And Donna had never felt more proud of him than she did at that moment. 

THE END 


End file.
